On the Rock

20And He said, "Thou canst not see My face, for there shall no man see Me and live."



21And the LORD said, "Behold, there is a place by Me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock.


22And it shall come to pass, while My glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a cleft of the rock, and will cover thee with My hand while I pass by;


23and I will take away Mine hand, and thou shalt see My back parts, but My face shall not be seen." (Exodus 33:20-23)

The Holy Spirit placed this scripture in my spirit and I have been meditating on it for several weeks. A few weeks ago during a life group meeting one of the members asked how I had managed to stay under the radar as far as the whole dating thing is concerned. I couldn’t respond that night but shortly thereafter I recalled this scripture. I remembered Moses asking  God to see His face.  God's reply is above.

I feel like God is protecting me. That’s been my constant prayer for the past two plus years. Because I lose myself in relationships I begged God to protect me. In other words, when I’m involved in a relationship everything (except the kids) is secondary. I’m secondary. I stop moving. I stop growing. I stop living. I prayed that God would protect me from that and I believe that He has.

I believe that God has placed me on a rock and He has covered me (protected me) while He does his work. When He takes his hand away I’ll be able to see his glory.

None of us can physically see God. All we can see is what God does. It’s like the wind. We can’t see the wind, all we can see is the effect of the wind. I see how God is moving in my life every single day. I know that I have not witnessed his full glory. I’m still on the rock, under his protection but when He takes his hand away watch out.

What Part of the Game is That?

Something is bugging me.


There is a guy in my Business class who has been trying to holla ever since class started eight weeks ago. I’m not thinking about that boy for several reasons: he’s married (and nothing else really needs to be said at this point), he’s 15 years younger than me and I just don’t want to be bothered.

He asked me out after two weeks in class and I told him that would be inappropriate. I was trying to be nice about it and I figured he would leave it at that. The following week he skipped class (due to embarrassment, in my opinion) and the week after that he came to class and all he could talk about was his wife (saving face, in my opinion).

Good. Cool. Awesome. I figure everything is copasetic. But then slowly but surely he starts up again. Last week he says, “I don’t get it, what is wrong with me taking you out for some wings?”

Are you kidding me? Wings? That’s all you got?

To make a long story short, by the end of class my persistent, young would-be suitor deduced that the reason I wouldn’t go out with him was for one of two reasons: (1) I had been hurt in my past or (2) I’m gay.

What part of the game is that?

This kid is so arrogant that he can’t even comprehend that someone would turn him down because of him. It has to be about me being hurt and possibly gay.

I am so grateful that I know exactly who I am. Obviously, his tactics have worked on someone otherwise he wouldn’t be so comfortable with his delivery. It’s frustrating though, right? The mind games that men play on women. For the purpose of full disclosure, I will say that the whole “you’ve been hurt before” thing has worked on me in the past. That line puts a woman in a position where she has to prove that she’s beyond the hurt. That she’s not in some vulnerable state and afraid to take a chance. I have nothing to prove to anyone. I’ve never been called gay before but that tactic is used for the same purpose: to make a woman feel like she has to prove something.

I’m sorry but I have to say it: Men suck. No, not all of you but, damn. Why can’t you just accept the fact that every woman on the planet is NOT dying to lay down with you. Seriously! And it’s not because of a character flaw on her part.  It is most definitely YOU.

Ladies, take note -- hold fast to who you are and don't fall for the okie doke.  Just saying.

Just Another 5?

I'm exhausted.

I completed my second 8k this morning, about seven hours ago and I am just now recovering.  Five miles should never wear me out like this.  I always tell myself before a race, "it's just another five miles, you do this every weekend," in order to calm my nerves.  But the truth is, it's not just another five miles especially when the race isn't local.  There's the travel, the hotel stay, the unfamiliar surroundings, etc.  It all takes its toll.  Especially having to sleep in an uncomfortable hotel bed.  Couple all that with the fact that since I started school I haven't trained properly and what you have is one tired woman.

The good news is I completed the race in less than an hour (58:26) but I didn't come close to the time I achieved for my first 8k( 52:59).  Oh well.  I have one more race on the schedule for the year.  I was going to cancel but I already paid my money and for me, that means commitment.  So, I'm racing again next month but I think after that I'll be taking a break.  Not from running, but from racing.  Not forever.  Just until I can figure out how to train properly and go to school and work full-time. 

RIP Donna Summer

Perspective

If you want to change your life, change your perspective.

I do not remember where I heard that but for some reason it came to mind today.  I used to tell myself that I wish I could wake up everyday to do something I love.  I used to tell myself that I couldn't wait for the days when my biggest priority would be choosing a wine for dinner that night.

I've changed my perspective. 

I've learned that if I want to do something that I love I'd better learn to love what I do.  It all starts there.  Once I chose to eliminate the feeling of dread -- and it is a choice -- I began to feel much better about my daily activities.  Seriously.  My days fly by and I'm quite proud of the work that I do.  I work with nice people and my schedule is as flexible as they come.  Not to mention the pay and benefits.  Honey, hush.  The fact that I wake up everyday is a blessing.  Couple that with the fact that I don't have to be in the elements, or lift heavy things or wipe butts ... yeah, I'm good.

I know that everything is temporary.  It just doesn't make sense to get all bunched up over something that (1) you can't do anything about and (2) is temporary anyway.  I'm learning to focus on things that really matter:  my relationship with God, my family and my health.